I haven’t written much because I find that through my work I let out so much creative energy that putting sentences together truly takes it’s toll on my brain. 

I have a big brain, but I don’t use it to its full capacity.  It’s okay, nothing to stress over; I hear no one really does. I’m the norm.  The lack of wanting to write doesn’t happen often, but lately I’ve been working on the same project for so long that I’m past DONE.  I’m burnt.  I’m Cajun, ha!

No wonder creative people go nuts. How does one stay sane lacking creativeness at the right time?   I feel at times that I lack so much originality that it is no wonder I’m working on the same thing for weeks on end.  After seeing the same project on my screen repeatedly, it’s like reading the same word over and over. . and after awhile you wonder, “is that spelled right? Is that even a word. . wait. .that doesn’t look right.”  My very complicated layers of photoshop greatness turn out looking like silly crayola drawings produced by a 4 year old. 

Then right about the time I’m about to cut off my ear and ship it to a long lost lover from the past (UPS nonetheless), I have a moment of zen.  I am one with everything and everything is one with me. 

A compliment of sorts from my employer over one of my crayola creations is what brings me Zen now-a-days.  That’s how I roll.

Sad but true.

Don’t get me wrong I love my job. I’d rather do this kind of work then anything else in the whole wide world.  But it’s a bitch waiting and seeking approval from another creative mind.

I could possibly turn the tables and think of it as a learning experience and something that is making me a better designer.  I’m growing within (because God knows I haven’t grown an inch in height for years). 

But I’m American, I don’t think of this as a learning experience; that will come later in life.  We take what makes us stronger for granted, correct?  To me, it’s like I’m making a sandwich.  It’s not liked very well so the next day I make a different sandwich.  Again, I don’t get the approval I seek so I get more creative and think outside the box.  Who says a sandwich has to have certain ingredients and be a certain shape, right?

In the end though, it’s just a fucking sandwich. 

Seriously.

When I went to work on Friday, I was ready to leave the second I got there.  It almost felt like it was my 6th straight day working.  I was tired of work and just everything in general.  Needing a break from my life.  A breather.  The day went about like normal and then a wave came crashing across everyone except me.  Apparently there was a mistake on a clients order and it was everyone’s fault.  No one double-checked, not one questioned, the client came in, the order was wrong for the billionth time and my boss, the one that never looses it had a moment.

One could blame it on the hormones.  She is 8 months pregnant after all.  But it was long overdue, in my opinion.  Somewhere in between the chaos of who did what and who didn’t do this or that, the UPS guy dropped off a package I was anxiously awaiting (why does that always sound dirty??).

I was opening up the package as the estrogen battleships continued their pissing contest and sat there quietly until the main Boss was done explaining the alphabet and what each letter stood for.  I followed her to her office and kindly handed over my work of art and walked away.  As soon as I got to my desk she called me and asked me to go into her office.

She asked me to close the door and I patiently awaited my work to be stripped to the core.  She then said, “Claudia, this is EXACTLY what I’m talking about! You’re a GENIUS! Right here, this marketing piece you created is IT GIRL! You are blowing my mind away with the recent stuff you’ve been creating.”  She continued to tell me what else she needed as far as marketing pieces go for a new line we’re presenting at work and gave me a deadline.  She plans to enter my stuff into competition.

Entering my work into competition is a huge compliment.  I’m happy, yet I have a million more things on my to-do now.  It was truly remarkable to receive such a compliment.  I was starting to feel lately like everything I was doing at work was wrong. 

I guess genius is one of the many forms of insanity.  I think I have finally erased my fine line between genius and insanity. . .is that a good thing?