it hit the fan

Gosh, these last couple of weeks have been really…

I don’t know what word to use…trying…difficult…stressful, for me.  As soon as I felt I could relax because my part in the busy season was over, I was told at work I was being let go.

Uh-Merry Christmas to you too!

You know that feeling you get when you feel like you’re standing still and everything around you is going super fast speed and time is just moving on, and there you are just standing still, frozen in time.  That’s how I felt.  As I mentioned the news to one of my friends she said, “I was praying you’d wake up.  Maybe this is my prayer being answered, someone shook you to wake you up.”

I’ve come pretty close to feeling like a loser in my life, we all have those moments. Must add this one to the top 5…I could go through my list but I think I won’t, for my own sanity.

There’s this one quote that I simply adore because I believe it to be true. I’ve seen it happen to my family, to friends…and all I can say is that it’s probably one of the many things holding me together.  Because here’s the reality of the matter (and I’d like to thank someone for reminding me of this when all this was going down and logically putting it into perspective), I can’t take this personally.  I am allowed to cry, to whine, to fail, to try, to put my heart and soul out there, to be angry…but I’m not allowed to give up.  Every tear that has come out of me since I received the news is one more tear making me stronger.

I went to the movies with the brother and sister.  Vanessa already knew, she was one of the first persons I told but I had yet to inform my brother.  So I turned to him before the movie previews started and I said, “I was let go at work.”  He just looked at me, baffled at first and then he lowered and shook his head.  And he said, “Dude, I don’t know what to tell you, I can’t express myself through words.”

Vanessa out of nowhere says, “Yeah, he’s really bad at expressing himself through words.  But really GOOOOOOD at expressing himself through interpretive dance.”

Checo …my brother that hates to dance, is not about making a fool of himself in public…is very laid back…out of nowhere starts to flap his arms and wiggle his body expressing himself through interpretive dancing.

I laughed probably the hardest I have laughed in a very long time.

It’s reasons like that, that I know I’ll be fine.  That I am fine.  The funny part about all this is that the sadness lasted a couple of hours, I’ve already cleaned up my resume, and thanks to my copy editor Chicagoian friend, it looks amazing. I’ve sent it out, called Directors, old bosses to add them as references.  I woke up the next morning to three emails from friends sending me links to very good opportunities.  Two of my closest friends who live states from me have more than given me wise words and encouragement on what I should do next.

It’s like I have my own little cheering squad anticipating just as much as I am what’s going to happen next.  Part of me is worried and concerned, but it’s the nature in me it’s only natural.

A door might have closed but I’m keeping my eyes wide open for even a window of an opportunity that is opened.